the rush....

Meeting someone new does something to you, there’s some kind of in dwelling smile that you can’t really express. You stay jolly for at least a day. Especially when you think she blows your mind. One of those things that make us trip. When you make first contact and talking is fun, then comes the glow. We ooze of that childish guilt, when someone notices we try to deny to ourselves so we can try to manage our expectations. We want it so bad we don’t even want to consider the possibility that it doesn’t always play out how we plan, hope or expect and we get heartbroken.

Then comes the first date, you’re clouded in smiles you probably don’t even hear her speak. Then we start telling ourselves “I like this one” “that’s nice, we agree” or “i can make do with that”. We feel a rush each moment you’re with her. She’s constantly making u smile. Then you want to text, IM, call or tweet them, you want to share every moment that you experience with her. You unconsciously draft something sweet to say each time. You’d give anything to see her smile.

I start to wonder when she became an issue, **remember when you said you won’t let yourself fall like that, you said “I’ll calm down play my position” but now you’re in over your head without control.**
what do I do? where do I go from here? it gets worse because you start to be at a loss for words each time you see her...its absolutely breathtaking...

from the first date, you want to skip all the boring process involved....we want to bring the 'happy ever after' from the future to the now....we get all excited and loose our minds in our emotions...

Somehow the cycle of the heart is rather irregular, in that we don’t know when it’d see something it wants to connect to and hold on to. The pain of disconnection is there when we can’t make such connections and we end up disappointed. We feel everything that this heart throws itself to, whether it’s into the pain of a heartbreak or disappointment or into the comfort and joy found in love, friendships and sense of connection.


I'm #justthinking out loud

The Art Connection

The art of music, the network of strings of sounds being played, in uniformity and perfect harmony. Every cymbal, every beat, a mere expression of the one who compiled it. If we listen close enough, we can often feel the rhythm of our hearts being played with every note you hear...we can feel the love, hate, pain, joy or rave of the composer. It feels like a preaching so captivating, a thought so provoking and a journey worth taking; especially when it expresses a direct reflection of our heart’s feelings at that time. We almost know the next note that would be played; we modulate in our minds over and over while the songs play out our hearts. It's almost like pottery; the potter moulds with a deep sense of connection to the clay and its end product is an expression of how joyous, abstract, loving, random or angry he was at that time.

Art expresses our lives in ways we can relate to. Our need for connection as people makes us search in every area to fill our yearning hearts. Whether its food (Fregz73 forgive me...lol) we turn into art, or sounds made out into music, words of poetry carefully grafted together, articulate words, voices singing out hearts feelings or anything [even being stuck on facebook reading out people's lives].. We make this connection our safe house and first love. We enjoy other things on the side but the end of the day when we retire back to ourselves and connect to our love so that we're never left alone. The need to connect is not for other people to benefit but for ourselves to graft onto and fill our hearts and minds. While thinking about this all, I stumbled on a quote with an Unknown author that says “Dating someone of artistic nature can be hard. We are a selfish breed. It’s always about the art. We sometimes forget about WHO inspired it” – Unknown. We have a need to connect to someone or something all the time, we don’t disconnect until we lose our minds or stop living.

For every soft-eve there's a Marvin Gaye, for some there's the peacefulness and grace of India Arie that appeals to their minds, Or the crazy in Blink 182, punk in Avril or the Ultimate Connection with Worship of our Creator. It’s no wonder why they say God inhabits our worship. The art gives pours our true inner feelings on Him, thus being in Truth and in Spirit. We connect with our God, we, connect with people and we connect with our Feelings all expressed through art. What sorts of Art comes from you?

Our Mind's Endless Cycle...

When we're left alone, we think, assess and come to certain conclusions. Our mind makes us worry; the worry makes our minds wonder, guess, and ponder on things; not in a good manner but somewhat negative. We are naturally inquisitive beings and we cannot stand being left in the grey or half light...we want to see it all, feel it all, hear, taste and understand things. We want to know the score before the match, we want to hear the news before it happens; we want to grasp an understanding of everything that happens whether or not it concerns us. We ask so many questions at times that we even start to question the things we understand most and have found to be true; our life - is this life a dream? What if I woke up and realised that the life I’m living is nothing but an overstretched imagination? Our religion - am I sure I’m on the right track? What if I’m not?

These questions we ask often confuse us more than they enlighten us. We ponder on these things hoping that they'd shed some more light on what we think we don't understand well enough. The problem with this though is that it often misleads us into believing the absurd and questioning all the correct things.
Our inquisition cures our curiosity, our curiosity (most of the time) enlightens us and thus, satisfies the craving to understand and learn about everything we find around us. In the same vein, our inquisition could further confuse us and put us in a worse of position than we were in at the beginning.

Have you ever imagined if the man who first committed adultery never inquired into the thought of being with another woman, or the woman another man...what would the world be like today? What if man had never imagined having sex with another man and plainly been content with the God-ordained union with women? What if we never explored some of the heathen ways of our fore-fathers; would we have tried out those things now? What if man never questioned God's authority and sovereignty? So many what ifs......

Our inquisitive nature hasn't only brought on misconceptions and poor beliefs, but has also brought us good...the question we should seek to understand now is “How deep is too deep?” “How much information is too much?” “When do we need to pull the plug on our constant inquisition into life?”

Our inquisition brought us to where we are today, our history is written by our inquisitive nature. It is what sets the base of learning for the younger generation and is the pedestal on which our seeds will start to inquire.
It is often said that there is no end to learning, but don't you think there should? Imagine that the explorers that found the spell books and heathen items of people that have been banished or even killed for witchcraft and wizardry didn't study them and wonder how it all worked? All of that would be lost as it should be!
The Mysteries of this Life and the inquisition into it enlightens as it does confuse....the endless sphere of learning is fuelled by this all and as such, we would never be able to get to a point where all has been discovered and understood; because our discovery and understanding is just a mere start to the endless cycle of learning that we call life.

The Mind's Pain Bottled in...

Our hearts harbour our tears, our fears, our deepest thoughts and desires;
It speaks of its own accord....because when we least expect it, it shows our true self; a reflection of a sort...
Our tears reflect the pain we face, our smiles spring up from beauty that we see within, our laughs express our inward state of happiness.

Sometimes we feel so blank and few understand the feeling in the exact way we feel it. It’s hard for anyone to understand, not because they haven’t been in the same situation, but it’s different in everyone's case. Pain and frustration, within an environment that prevents you from venting it all out. How do you deal with things without letting them out; at least enough for you to get over it...

In football, we often see players play through the pain barrier, and a performance is expected from them...they suffer through it all just get the job done. We put smiles on people's faces, hang out, and create a range of impressions...some happy, loving, dependent and rather friendly but after it all, we tend to find that with all the charade of the amount of friendships and people we might have around, we still feel alone. Then again, we start to ask ourselves those annoying questions that further confuse us... where is everyone now that I need them? how come I'm always there for everyone and don't have nobody to keep my mind at ease and be that shoulder to lean on? what exactly is bothering me? What is this void and emptiness that my heart feels? What is all of this about? Where is this painful emptiness from? How can I get over it?
Bundled with all of this, we're further bothered by personal goals and other time-constrained pressures like School-work, deadlines or even our jobs. All of which take up the much needed time for a personal healing process.
Through all this, we fare relatively well, however, there is always the fear that we could break at a time when it matters most. At a time when all our senses need to be at their sharpest. That's the major fear of being bottled up.

Until we reach our breaking point we are fine but after that comes a breakdown ...a point of realisation... a point where everything that seemed to matter no longer matters; things we used to overlook start to take the lime-light. We experience a new kind of emotion, similar to those we are accustomed to; but in a new dimension and with more depth

We'll hurt a lil' more, we cry a lil' more, we sob a lil' more...somehow; old feelings that we once forgot about come to us more vivid than we imagine. We start to face a new reality; determined by an event, a presence or a reanimation. While this wakes us up sometimes with happy cheer, other times with painful tears, it teaches us lessons on stagnation, on moving ahead, facing new challenges, working out sad events into a joyous new beginning.
We determine how further ahead we move with our own hands, our own minds, and our own actions. We literarily have the world at our finger-tips; when we are smart we grab it and mould it into our world, other times we miss opportunities for a new start and have to face a double consequence of the experience.
When experiences are good, they could make us laugh, give us some sort of satisfaction and pleasure. But it is often easy to get carried away by such episodes of happiness/joy, when in the real sense, we are meant to find lessons from experiences to find ways to keep ourselves happy, avoid pitfalls, and share our happiness with those desperately seeking it.

My reality scares me...
Its hard waking up in the same nightmare. I feel awake when I sleep, no dreams or wild imaginations, no pain, no sorrow; Sadly, I wake up into a reality that I wish was just a nightmare.
It hurts more than words describe. More painful than walking on hot coal; a pain so deep that it breaks me with each thought.
How do I get out of this nightmare? The pain still lingers, tear drop after tear-drop, sometimes it seems like it'd never end.
Can't help but wish it wasn't so. Can't ask why because in His sovereignty He plans for us to get us a life and works everything out for our good. So now, I just have to wait in submission to His will.

I hurt, I cry, tear drops in my eyes keep streaming down. Everyday the pain feels new.
If I had just one extra hug, one extra second, one extra word, I wouldn't let it end. Where do I start from, if everything that surrounds me brings memories alive and births a fresh kind of pain.
There's a need for me to be strong, to stand by the others who face the same pain that I do, the others that wake up into the same nightmare that has become our reality, our Painful Reality.
If wishes were horses, if all wishes came through, I would wish it all away.
Wish all my pain away,
Wish I would sleep and find it was all a dream,
I saw the pain,
I saw steadfastness,
I saw the struggle,
I saw a submission to faith,
and I saw that the Will of our Maker came to pass.
As I pace through the stages of Grief,
From Denial to Anger to Depression and final part of Acceptance, I find that the most hurtful and yet the longest stage is Depression.
The pain seems unending as time passes, it lingers on and on.
My Dear Father, My loving Dad.....
We can't help how much we all miss you.
Wishing it was all a dream that'd never be.
It's hard to piece together, its hard to think about and painful to accept.
We Love You beyond what words could ever explain.
Since it was in God's perfect will for you to leave us, we submit & hold fast to Him to give us the Peace, Comfort, Strength and Love that we all need to move ahead and continue in the legacies that you started.

Adieu Daddy! You mean more than the world to me.

ThE sWeEtNeSs In MyStErIeS

How much we always want to know, We strive to find, to have some insight to everything around us; from the stars to the next person around you. We all live in an earth that's clouded by mysteries.

Inasmuch as we try to avoid being left in mysterious situations, there's a lot of perfection that's found in the Unknown.
Questions that we ask ourselevs like, 'how do i look?', Is she looking in my direction, Am I on the right track, Do my clothes fit, how far should I take this?, where's my happy-ending?, Am I relevant?, Am I cocky?, Am I Doing it right?

We always want an answer to every question that we ask, when it's the uncertainty and spontaneity of the unknown that often gives us the thrills we so often want to experience. If we all knew who had a crush on us, we'd take people for granted and get cocky. If we knew how relevant we are we'll become really proud. If we knew a person's true nature, we'd take the person for a ride because you know the soft-spots.

We tend to want to preempt actions that could possibly come our way. If we knew who'd give us a hard time or hurt us, we could hurt them before they had a chance to have their way. We all exploit people in one way or another because of certain things about them that we know. We  always want to know how the movie ends before it starts, we always want to know how the food tastes before we get back home, we want to know which roads not to take or where not to go; when it is indeed in these unknown circumstances that we find thrill, pain, love, peace and joy that make up what we call life.
 
A Mystery is;
The uncertainty that blows your mind,
The darkness that gives your life a flare, a spark, and a Fire!
The Unknown that keeps us guessing, giving us direction by our own desires thus making sure that we follow what our heart and mind tells us; following that which gives us our adventure and thrill in life.

Not all things are meant to be known, some need to be experienced...

...This one got me laughing hard!

One day 3 people were stuck on an island with cannibals.

The cannibals said, "If you do what we say, we won’t kill

you". So the 3 people followed the orders from the

cannibals.

The cannibals said, "Go into the forest and pick 10 pieces

of the first kind of fruit you see".

So the first guy came back out of the forest with 10

apples. The cannibals said, "Stick the apples up in your ass

without making a facial expression". The person then

frowned in pain after the second apple, so the cannibals

killed him.

The second person came back out of the forest with 10

cherries. The cannibals said, "Put the cherries up your ass

without making a facial expression". The person then

started laughing on the tenth cherry, so they killed him.

In heaven, the person with apples asked the person with

cherries "why did you start laughing at the tenth cherry?

You were almost there". He replied, "I saw the

last guy come out with pineapples."

RaY's WoRlD

"RaYmOnD's MiNd"

"Where's the fun in this?, how come I'm no more than I am now?

What went wrong???

I'm handsome, drive a nice car, have money but yet and still..."

"Where's the thrill in youthful living?, I need something more....A steady girl perhaps??"

Somewhere, somehow in his mind, he know's he's being played;

On the outside he's some hotshot playa,

Gets who he wants, till he's tired and then moves on to the next..

On the inside, he's soft as a jelly fish...

"Who is She?, she's real pretty..." he wonders to himself.

He's had spells of one-night stands,

Streaks of conquered foes,

but on his insides, he finds himself very lonely,

He tries to get close but like with the last time, he starts off very well, they become friends and for some unexplained reason, they part not even with a goodbye. It starts with silly excuses, then unanswered calls then... poof! She dissapears and he's back where he started...

Angered from his last spell, he picks up yet another and this time, she's not for keeps,

He's in an uncontrolled "heartbreak-playa life"cycle.

"How do i get this feeling off of me?", he asks himself everyday.

He takes the last drag from his 'J', he's as high as he possibly can be;

Stands up cleans himself up, Sprays his cologne and freshens up...off for yet another empty date.

Its Our Handwork!

Romance's crap. 
Love aint easy to find
and even when it comes around it often leaves scars marred by pain and frustration, disappointm
ents and failed trusts.
I hear Its wrong to be a playa but it hurts to be lover.
The long cycle that now builds the 'outlawed' personality that is often misunderstood as being anti-social.
Ok....Point taken;
Neither women nor men are to be toyed with. The thing is, it is inexplainable why a countless number of 'would-be' good girls or guys, end up hurting people who in turn detach from a life ruled by emotions, their romance becomes begins to fade or doesn't last as long as it should.

I guess we all are more of a product of our experiences rather than the notion that people who attach less to personal relationships than others are a breed -fondly called 'Playa'- is a social outlaw, without our realising that they are created by our own actions, the moment you turned down someone,which is an unavoidable bridge that we all have to pass, and in one way is our actions biting us in the rear.
Quit wasting time! Enjoy life as it gives us our present of the 'Present'.
Explore friendships, live a little, party a little harder, smile a little more, play some more.
Luckily enough for some who've been exposed to this truths end up with the lives you'd always wished for.

...the social misfit's clearly our hand-work.... don't crucify him/her!

::The World of The Mind::

My Mind is my World,

Your Mind is Your World,

Our Mind is Our World,

Invariably, the larger your mindset the larger your World. We all wish(ed), at some point in our lives, to be rich, famous, a pop-star, a singer, a footballer....the list is endless. We tend to derail from all these aspirations when the reality of life hits us like a brick on the head. Forgetting these dreams and aspirations, to me, is a major cause of the mid-life crises that we all tend to have at some point in our lives. 

The world we live in today is merely a function of the dreams that people (people just like us) had and did not derail from. From the Wright Brothers creation of the Aeroplane, to Karl Benz's design and creation of automobiles as we know them today. Who would have ever thought that you could fly?or even surf??

Ideas conceived in your mind have the potential to blow up into tomorrow's biggest thing. So....just how big is your mind? Are you happy with what you're doing? How far ahead do you think? Who are you? Where are you? Why are you here? What can you do? What makes you tick?Are you the best you?? Where are you going? How built up are you to go where you want to go?

A definite answer to these crucial questions of life usually indicates how far in life you've gone, how big your world is and whether or not you'll live a fulfilled life. I have come to understand my world is only as big as my mind has created it to be. If you can dream it...you can be it!! 

We all have our dreams, what differentiates each person is the ability and courage to follow through. If you're sure about your dream, devise a plan to reach that dream of yours and follow it through with every last muscle in your body!! Who would've ever thought that talk shows would make Oprah Winfrey worth a Billion Dollars today?

You don't always have to follow the statusquo, but in following your dreams you must deal with the reality of risks and possible failures and use this knowledge to be the best You that you can be. Find what makes you happy and DO IT!

I end with the Eternal and always effectual words from the Bible in Proverbs 29:18 - "...Without a Vision, the people perish"